The dating conversation with kids will never be an easy one. Whether we try to flesh out our own insecurities, ideas, and philosophies toward dating, it rarely comes across as we intended.
It doesn’t matter how it happens, it doesn’t matter where it happens: Have the conversation.
- Have the conversation with your boys on what dating is and what it means to them.
- Help them learn to be ok with rejection.
- Help them learn to talk about consent.
- Discuss the concept that just because someone says yes to a date, does not mean that they say yes to everything you want.
- Remind boys to have compassion for the fact that there is a far greater risk for a woman going on a date.
I recall my own conversation with dating coming from my jaded father who ended sentences about women with, “…that’s how they get you!” It really set me up not only to be leery of dating, but leery of anyone ever remotely interested in dating me because they were already out to get me!
In reality, like most, I was terrified of dating and what that meant, which as a teen was little more than hanging out and trying to be sexual. The idea that I would go out on “dates” to functions, restaurants, museums, and the like, was more Hollywood than anything else. As boys, we were already starting to focus on the possibility of being sexual. The foundation of dating was potentially being created under the guise of sex and unbridled sexual aggression.
Looking at the current state of dating in the US takes us down the social media road. Dating now coincides more with apps at the app store more than going to any physical place to actual meet folks face to face. The days of meeting a potential date at the grocery store, event, or even bar, have been lost to swipes to the left or right. Personal opinion and ethics on the current state of dating notwithstanding, the really is that this is the current state, and does not look like it will change in the near future.
The talk about dating still needs to happen. The talk about what it means to date and what it means to be a good and respectful date does not disappear with the advent of new technologies.
